If you’ve ever been cheated on before, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.  It’s no picnic.  On the contrary, it’s one of the most painful, toxic, emotional roller coasters one will ever experience.  And even though your well-intentioned friends may try to comfort you by regurgitating those same old tired phrases,

“I promise it will get better or he wasn’t even worth it in the first place, or it’s his loss, or there’s plenty of fish in the sea,” the pain still cuts like a knife.

So!! he cheated on you.  So now what?  You’re left to pick up all the broken pieces and put them back together again.  Ladies, the fractured pieces I’m referring to is you. 

Even though you know what your friends are saying is right, you just need a moment or two to let it all out and cry, but that’s OK because it’s all a part of the grieving process.

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After some time, that same hurt will turn into anger; and in those quiet moments, you’ll begin to think of all the different ways you would like to annihilate his sorry ass….  And when I say kill him, I mean obliterate him. Lucky for him, though, those thoughts will remain only that, just a thought.

It wouldn’t be too cool for family members or friends to enter into a courtroom, only to see you standing before a judge and that same judge is about to sentence you to 20 years hard labor in a maximum state prison, with no possibility of parole for first-degree murder for running over your cheating ex with a bus.

All jokes aside, that anger will then sometimes turn into the blame game.  What could I have done differently? Or why didn’t I see it coming? How could I let this happened to me? Or what did I do wrong? And the list goes on.

I’m not going to sit here and say to you, suck it up and get over it.  But I’ll be the first to say people do change, but now it’s up to you, how long you will allow this person to have control over your life. People do not come into our lives by chance; people enter our lives for a reason and a season.  Everyone that we meet will not necessarily be a positive experience; sometimes, it may be the opposite.

Think about it for a second. How do you expect to learn the good, the bad, and the ugly? We must all go through life experiences to grow. Now, we can allow this situation to defeat us, or we can let it teach us.

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With all that said, because this beautiful love of your life that you trusted so much betrayed you, doesn’t always mean the relationship is over; for some, it is, but for others, it might not be.  A man can make a mistake once, twice or even three times.  You can’t blame him for being who he is.  Now, the question remains, how much of this behavior are you willing to accept before you call it quits?

I’ll be the last to say that he’ll never change because some people do.  If he wants to make a change in his life, he will and he will do what ever it takes.  Most of the time, a man will change not for you, sorry to say ladies, but for himself, which is a good thing. He will see the current road he is on and where it’s leading him, and for some, this can be a very scary or lonely road to travel and that in itself will bring about a change.  

Here’s the great thing, if a man realizes he must change for himself, then he will also recognize that by allowing himself to be truly happy, he will make you happy in the process.

Ladies, if you see this as a vicious continuous cycle and each time it causes you never-ending pain and anguish, then I’m sorry to say the problem is not with him but instead with you.  He is comfortable with himself, regardless of how it makes you feel.   Women, all I can say is LOVE YOU and put YOURSELF first. Can’t you see that’s what he’s doing?  

It’s never a good idea to sell yourself short; by thinking every man after this breakup will be the same.  Now, you will have your guard up so high that if an honest and genuinely loving man should enter into your life, you will be too blind to see.  Please don’t do this to yourself.

For those women who choose to stay a little longer, keep this in mind, put yourself first.  Love yourself, don’t take these words lightly.  If a man goes out and cheat, was he thinking about you?

A person who cheats may do it for so many reasons. My advice to you is, communication is critical. It can turn both parties around, but both parties must be willing to be open and honest with each other, or else you’ll be fighting a losing battle.  You’ll never trust him, and this could cause you to question every other man’s word henceforth.

You’ll be surprised, the person you’re looking for is also looking for you. If you can trust YOU and do right by you, I’m sure you will meet each other in the middle. Who knows? The one who cheated on you may be the one who is actually for you. But you must stand up for YOU and love YOU first.  “Likeness attracts likeness.”  Now, isn’t this a beautiful ending?

Never give up on YOU!! And let everything else fall right into place.

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