Did you grow up longing for having the ideal wedding with the ideal spouse and living joyfully ever after, however, wound up with the specific inverse?
Tragically, this is excessively normal. You got hitched longing for affection, sentiment, and regard, however, wound up in a union with a man who doesn’t treat you well and can even be out and out mean. Outwardly, your marriage resembles the ideal marriage, and individuals may even respect you and think you carry on with the ideal life. In any case, away from public scrutiny, you know better.
In secret, it is a long way from great. You might be deprecated, derided, and patronized. Or then again perhaps you live in dread of his next furious upheaval, his controlling ways, or his ‘judge and jury’ disposition he has. Whatever it is you are encountering in your marriage, you realize that something isn’t right. Regardless of whether you can’t actually place it, the inclination inside discloses to you this isn’t the way marriage should be. These sorts of connections are harsh – sincerely injurious, intellectually oppressive, exceptionally harmful and harming to your wellbeing.
Do you feel like you don’t have a say in your relationship or that you’re nothing but a puppet? Do you find your man too controlling? Before you start pitying yourself, it’s time to assess some things and find out what makes him act this way. Here are the reasons why a man likes to take control:
Men, by nature, are dominant
This is a known quality of men that is innate in them. Perhaps this became acceptable as, back in the days, women were just seen as stay-at-home moms. They’re also the ones who just take care of the family while their counterparts were seen working and finding a good livelihood.
It is dictated by the social circles that they are in
To have become a dominant husband or boyfriend, you have to understand that he may just have adapted this behavior in his home. Such may be the accepted male behavior in his social circle or group. Observe whether your husband’s or boyfriend’s family is comprised of domineering men. If it is, then have the heart to understand him and slowly win him to your way of thinking.
They were controlled during their early childhood
Perhaps they had experiences of domination in the past like having a dominant mother or father. They grew with the perception that respect is given to the person who threatens or controls. It could have been how he was disciplined as a child so, again, have the heart to slowly mold him into an understanding person.
They are, simply, insecure with themselves
Being dominant may be the result of an underlying cause — insecurity. These types of people always have fears in them — fear of being left alone, fear of being inferior, fear of being wrong, and many more.
It has something to do with reassurance
More often than not, domineering people think that they are more superior than their partners. It is a way of boosting their morale and self-worth.
They fear losing you
At the other end of the spectrum, they may just be insecure – always thinking that someone better might snag you away at any time.
The media affects their perception
Although the media have been an informative and entertaining part of our lives, they indirectly dictate how we live our lives. If TV programs depict that men are superior, they take charge and women depend on them, then, chances are, your husband or boyfriend may want you to become submissive as well.
Over time you will experience loss of sleep, low self-esteem, and even depression. The only chance you have at combating the way you are treated is to put your foot down and put up some boundaries around how you will be treated.
Here are two ways to put up a boundary:
Tell your husband that he is not allowed to talk to you with disrespect. If he does, then immediately walk away and refuse to listen. Do not allow yourself to get sucked into the argument (which is what he is trying to do).
Tell your husband that he is not allowed to talk to you with disrespect and if he chooses to then you will leave and stay with a friend until he decides to treat you appropriately. If he does, then immediately walk away and go stay with a friend or family. If he tries to stop you, do not stop or you will have let him win.
If you decide to put up this boundary around yourself, be prepared to follow through. If you state the conditions you will accept and then when push comes to shove you don’t follow through, you will give him the message that he can do what he wants. Be cautioned though, using these boundaries with abusive husbands may make your situation worse if you do not follow through. Any time you take a step and assert yourself, he will also take a step to try to increase his control over you.
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