Nowadays a healthy relationship can sometimes be hard to find. Time doesn’t change, but people sometimes do. Starting a new relationship can be a whole lot of fun. When two people come together as a couple, there’s sparks and fireworks, it’s like every day is the 4th of July. Life is wonderful. And it feels like you’ve both hit the jackpot, and it’s all so fresh and so new.
Being with that special someone who’s new to your life can make you feel like a teenager all over again. Remember, those days, when you talked on the phone for hours and hardly got any sleep, but still had to get up for school the next morning?
What about the times when you just stared out your classroom window daydreaming, wondering what he was doing at that given moment. You couldn’t wait till school was over so you could see him again. He would wrap his arms around you ever so tight and kiss you, after, he would whisper quietly in your ear how much he missed you and wanted to be with you and what he wanted to do to you. And you’d begin the blush. And then you would both start to laugh. Nothing else seemed to matter, you were with him and he was with you, and the rest of the world took a back seat.
OK!! Enough already…enough with all that sappy fairy tale. Wake Up!!! You’re in the real world now, and this fairytale fantasy has just come to an end. Boy! How things have changed. What happened? What went wrong? The relationship started out on the right foot. Somewhere along the way, something went terribly wrong. I guess the honeymoon stage is over.
Yet, you both remain in the relationship. Why? Do you enjoy inflicting pain on yourself? Do you feel you’re incapable of finding someone else? Or could it be that you genuinely love this man and think he could change for the better or is there this side of you that wants to see how long you can weather the storm? Whatever the reason, if you’re honest with yourself only you will know the real answer.
First and foremost, you can’t change anyone. So, please remove that from your thought process. This can sometimes be a hard pill to swallow, but never the less it is what it is. If your partner changes and does it for you, I guarantee you, he will go back to his old habits at some point in his life, because he didn’t change for the right reasons. And what are the right reasons you may ask? Well! The right reasons he should want to change is because he wants to be a better person for himself.
In a healthy and stable relationship, both individuals must be on the same page. You both must have the others best interest at heart. You both must be sensitive to each other’s needs. This can never be accomplished if there isn’t a good level of communication. Far too many times a relationship ends because somewhere along the way, there cease to exist a level of listening to what the other had to say.
In today’s society a lot of couples seem to live in this bubble, they believe the world in which they reside only revolves around them and in a way it does, but how can a relationship survive, if one is unsympathetic to other or if both parties are unsympathetic to each other’s needs? If you can’t do the little things to make each other happy. Why are you still together?
In a healthy relationship, it’s give and take. One must be willing to give of themselves sometimes to make the other happy and vice versa. A beneficial relationship will always require work from both sides, but it doesn’t have to be a difficult task. If both parties can communicate then they’re halfway there. There will be times when you won’t see eye to eye and that’s fine, there is no need to make a big deal out of it.
There should always be a level of respect from both sides, and there should be no exception to the rule. This is where the talking and the listening come into play. Respect what each other has to say and listen to each other no matter how mundane or boring it may be for one. Never dismiss each other as to where one of you will allow the other to feel as if they have nothing to bring to the table of the discussion at hand.
If two people can’t respect and communicate with each other, then forget about the trust factor because that will be out the window. If both of you feel there is still a love connection; then there is always hope. Sometimes space can be the perfect remedy to allow a relationship to thrive and survive. It will enable you both to take a step back, re-think everything and put things into perspective moving forward.
Sometimes though the one you are with is not the one who is really for you. You must be honest with yourself. Don’t sell yourself short. Life is too short. Never stay in a relationship due to artificial fear (being afraid and not knowing what the future holds). Face those fears and use it to your advantage. You are so young and life has so much to offer. You’ll know when it’s time to move on, there will be signs you just won’t be able to ignore, the Inner You will guide you so trust it and let him go.
On the other hand, never leave a relationship in anger. Sometimes the things you claim to hate the most could be the things you attract right back into your life with someone else, so be careful. Allow yourself enough time to be comfortable with you; before you venture out or put yourself out there to be with someone else. If you really love YOU, then you will want what’s best for YOU. Artificial fear can be a good thing once you face it dead on, it will move you to action.