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If you’ve ever been cheated on before, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.  It’s no picnic.  On the contrary, it’s one of the most painful, toxic, emotional roller coasters one will ever experience.  And even though your well-intentioned friends may try to comfort you by regurgitating those same old tired phrases, “I promise it will get better or he wasn’t even worth it in the first place, or it’s his loss, or there’s plenty of fish in the sea”, the pain still cuts like a knife.  It’s as if, someone wearing army boots kicked you right in the stomach and you’re doubled over in excruciating pain.

So!! he cheated on you.  So now what?  You’re left to pick up all the broken pieces and put them back together again.  Ladies the fractured pieces I’m referring to is you.  And even though you know what your friends are saying is true, you just need a moment or two, to let it all out and ball your eyes out, but that’s ok because it’s all a part of the grieving process.

After some time that same hurt will turn into anger; and in those quiet moments, you’ll begin to think of all the different ways that you would like to destroy his sorry ass….  And when I say kill him, I mean obliterate him. Lucky for him though, those thoughts will remain only that just an idea.

It wouldn’t be too cool for family members and friends to go visit you in a courtroom, only to see you standing before a judge, as he proceeds to hammer the gavel in his right hand and sentence you to 20 years, hard labor in prison with no parole for first-degree murder for running over him with a bus.

All jokes aside, that anger will then sometimes turn into the blame game.  What could I have done differently? Why didn’t I see it coming? How could I let this happened to me? What did I do wrong? And the list goes on.  

I’m not going to sit here and say to you, suck it up and get over it.  But I will say, it’s up to you as to how long you’ll allow this person to have control over your life. You see, people do not come into our lives by chance; people enter our lives sometimes for a season.  Everyone that we meet will not necessarily be a positive experience, sometimes it may be the opposite.

Think about it for a second. How do you expect to learn the good, the bad and the ugly? We must all go through life experiences to grow. Now, we can allow this situation to defeat us, or we can let it teach us and prepare us for the next beautiful person whom we will welcome into our life.

With all that said, because this beautiful love of your life whom you trusted so much, betrayed you, it doesn’t always mean the relationship is over, for some it is but for others it may not be.  A man can make a mistake once, twice or even three times.  You can’t blame him for being who he is.  Now, the question remains, how much can you handle or how much do you want to manage?

I’ll be the last to say that he’ll never change because some people do.  If he really wants to make a change, then he will.  Most of the time I believe a person will change not for you, sorry to say, but for themselves, they can see where this road will lead them and for some it can be a scary or lonely thought.  Here’s the beautiful part, if a man realizes he must change for himself then he will also recognize that by allowing himself to be happy, he will make you happy.

Come on ladies, if you see this as a constant pattern and each time it causes you pain, then I’m sorry to say, the problem is not with him but rather with you.

It’s never a good idea, to sell yourself short, by thinking every man after this breakup will be the same.  Now you will have your guard up so high that if an honest and genuinely loving man should enter your life, you will be too blind to see.  Please don’t do this to yourself because in the end you will lose out, and you will be the lonely one.  Being alone and isolated is never a beautiful thing.

For all you women out there who choose to stay. Keep this in mind, put yourself first.  Love yourself first, don’t take these words lightly.  If a man goes out and cheat, who was he thinking about? Well!! It certainly wasn’t you.  To give your all to another, you must first start with you.  You must love yourself and put yourself first before you can truly love someone else.

A person who wonders outside a relationship may do it for so many reasons. My advice to you is, communication is critical. It can turn around both parties, but both parties must be willing to be open and honest with each other or else you’ll be fighting a losing battle.  You’ll never trust him, and this could cause you to question every other man’s word henceforth.

I will repeat, love yourself, put yourself first, be happy with you first, be at peace with yourself. This might not be as easy as it may sound. So, try meditation, or even yoga.  Quiet your mind and listen to your inner being. In the stillness lies the answers.

You’ll be surprised, the person you’re looking for is also looking for you. If you can trust you and do right by you, I’m sure you will meet each other in the middle. Who knows? The one who cheated on you may be the one who is actually for you. But you must stand up for you and love you first.  “Likeness attracts likeness.”  Now, isn’t this a beautiful ending?

Never give up on YOU!! and let everything else fall right into place.

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